It took several months for Northern Virginian Alan Sack to convince his mother it was time for her and his father to move into a smaller home.
And that doesn’t even begin to cover the work it took to move boxes and boxes of items —many sentimental — out of their 2,500-square-foot, 3-bedroom home.
This is just one example of the difficulties can that come with moving aging parents into a new home.
When a parent dies or needs to move out of their home because of safety issues or too much maintenance, it’s normal to feel stressed and exhausted. But how do you know it’s time to downsize and how do you do it?
“Seniors don’t want to give up their home,” said Sack, who now helps with relocation services including downsizing, decluttering and estate sales for Caring Transitions of Alexandria. “It’s everything they know and they’re comfortable there.”
In fact, being comfortable in their home and community is one of the main reasons people delay downsizing, said Peter Crouch, Realtor with McEnearney Associates in Alexandria.
Moving does not mean losing connections, Crouch said. There are plenty
of places to downsize to right here in Alexandria and most residents can easily stay close to their old neighborhood and keep their doctor and dentist.
Signs It’s Time to Downsize
Cathi Coridan, a senior real estate specialist for Keller Williams in Alexandria, got into helping people downsize after her father died in 2014.
People often wait too long to downsize, she said.
“They don’t see the need — denial is a huge factor in that,” she said.
“Emotional attachment — it’s not just a piece of property. I’ve seen situation where they have to sell as is because of physical limitations,” when they could have gotten more money from it had then been able to fix it up a bit.
There are a variety of signs it’s time to downsize.
When a person starts to close off “wings” or rooms of their house is one indicator, Coridan said. People may want to change their lifestyle. They may want to live closer to their kids or health resources. Health issues could also be a sign it’s time to move out.
“What is it you’re not able to do because you have to take care of this big house?” Coridan said.
Safety around the house can be another issue for aging parents.
One of the top reasons seniors have to move is difficulty walking up and down stairs, said Sack. Some people put in chairlifts to delay having to move, he said.
“Almost everyone we’ve moved to a senior community is happy they did it,” said Sack. “They may not be happy at the time, but they will find it’s nice not having to clean as big of an area or cook all of their own meals.”
How to Get Started
It’s always difficult to get started on
a downsizing project, but begin with something small, said Sack.
“Everyone has that kitchen drawer with all these things in it — start with that,” Sack said. “Or one closet at a time.”
Coridan helped empty and sell her father’s Columbus, Ohio house from afar after he died.
“I was sorting out the need to move quickly to resolve issues in the estate and balancing that with really honoring, and trying to respect, the needs of his wife,” said Coridan.
Coridan helped her sister, the executor of the will, step outside of her more amiable personality to do things outside of her comfort level.
Carol Barrett, 75, began moving items out of her house in Fairfax County a couple of years ago and wishes she had done it sooner. She wants to move into smaller property within six months, she said.
Barrett has lived in the home for almost 50 years with her husband Bob, who has Parkinson’s disease and is in memory care four days a week. Her husband has physical limitations and she would like to move into a one-story home.
Barrett said she’s worked with four downsizers, but the most practical one stood in front of a cabinet and said: “this is how I would do it.”
Crouch noted that a lot of people he has worked with stayed in their home too long because they have not only their lifetime of belongings, but they have their parents’ stuff, too. “The home becomes a museum to generations past, but there are ways to remember great grandma other than keeping all of her stuff.”
Handling Estate Sales
The first thing to know about estate sales is that stuff isn’t worth nearly
as much as you think it’s going to be, Coridan said. Don’t think just because you have Waterford products, antiques or glass, it will sell for a lot, she said.
“It costs money for those people to move things around,” she said. “You have to make decisions not based on emotions, but based on strategy. ‘That was my grandmother’s table and it’s been in the family for all these generations.’ It doesn’t matter; understand it’s not personal.”
It’s important to set expectations from the beginning of the process. For example, it’s important to tell your real estate agent something is getting painful, she said. You don’t want to get four steps farther down the process and say, “I’m still mad because my grandmother’s furniture was sent to Goodwill,’” Coridan said.
For the seniors and their family, it’s a very emotional process, said Sack.
“All of these items have sentimental value, but not necessarily monetary. It’s hard for people to let go of those things,” he said.
Deciding what to keep and let go is one of the hardest parts of downsizing, Barrett said.
“It is rewarding to clear things out and see closets emptied,” she said.
“And finding things you didn’t know you had.”
People will take advantage of others experiencing grief, Coridan said. She likes to make sure her clients don’t undersell items.
What advice does Barrett have for others downsizing their homes?
“Be patient with yourself and with your stuff,” she said.
This article originally appeared in the January/February 2019 print edition of Alexandria Living Magazine. To subscribe, click here.
