Chris Militzer/Miliman 12 Photography
If you ask David Dickerson of West Potomac Rugby what brought him back to the pitch after an almost eight-year hiatus, he’ll tell you it wasn’t just the game.
“This is my community. That’s the thing that brought me back,” explains Dickerson, 47, who serves as club president.
Like many men, Dickerson took a step back from the team when he found himself juggling career and personal commitments. Those eight years off meant missing out on connecting with what he calls the “most social men’s side [rug-by team] in the DC region” — including post-game parties and Sunday brunches, along with planned events such as pig roasts, river tubing, international travel and philanthropic work.
Dickerson’s experience is not unusual. Experts suggest that men — more than women — struggle to maintain friendships during the career-kid-partner phase of life, likely because men often connect through the activities that can get usurped by work and family commitments.
“Once we become the boss, the spouse, the parent — life changes that often happen right around our late 20s and early 30s — it’s harder for us to do the role of friend justice. Husbands and wives may allow their partners to fill the role of best friend, letting other relationships fall by the wayside,” according to writer Kate Shellnut.
In addition, it’s common for people in their 20s and 30s to move often, putting physical distance between friends.
When it comes to making friends, Jared Edler, co-founder of Alexandria Roller Hockey (alexandriarollerhockey.com), suggests starting with some-thing you love to do. “Don’t force yourself onto an awkward bar stool,” he explains. “Start under the auspice of a shared interest and work your way back to forge a relationship.”
Consider these three parameters to help build social capital. Then read on for some vetted recommendations from local guys for places to go and things to do.
Show up to that birthday party, block party, or guys’ poker night. Not a card shark? There’s no better way to spark a friendship than to ask for (or offer) help.
Next, get interesting. While work can feel all-encompassing, it’s not the fodder for building friendships. Read a book, subscribe to a podcast, or find a new favorite band so you have something on your mind beyond work that you can share with others.
Finally, leverage your assets. Give a colleague or old friend a call for lunch — there may be untapped friend-potential. Kids and dogs are get-out-of-jail-free cards when you find yourself in a friend desert. Hang out at the dog park or volunteer at your kids’ sports booster, auction or PTA—for something other than data entry.
Join a Team
If hockey’s your thing, Elder says the Alexandria Roller Hockey team is always looking for new players at all levels. Alexandria’s adult rec leagues also offer a casual way to bond over your passion. Contact the Alexandria Adult Sports Office to be placed on a team. (Search “adult sports” at alexandriava.gov).
Alexandria Community Rowing welcomes both experienced and novice rowers—with the perk of monthly social activities. Give it a try on National Learn to Row Day (Alexandria Boathouse, 1 N. Madison St, 9AM-noon, first Saturday of June, alexandriarowing.com).
TopGolf Alexandria (6625 S Van Dorn St., click on “play” tab at topgolf.com) places both experienced and rookie golfer “Free Agents” on leagues.
If you can talk smack, or ever wanted to learn, West Potomac Rugby trains “new ruggers from scratch,” according to their website (westpotrugby.com). They’ll take you even if you’re what they fondly call an “Old Boy” (35 and up).
Volunteer
Working towards a common goal cements relationships. Even if it doesn’t spark your next bromance, you’ll feel good about doing good. Alexandria offers lots of opportunities for group-based volunteer opportunities through Volunteer Alexandria (volunteeralexandria.org).
Re: Extra Ticket
Nothing says DC guys night like watching ski porn at National Geographic’s Banff Mountain Film Festival (1145 17th Street, NW, DC, Search “Banff Mountain Film Festival” at nationalgeographic.org/dc/events).
And what about live music at the Birchmere (3701 Mt Vernon Ave, birchmere.com)? Sign up for online mailing lists for hard-to-get tickets—or to make time on your hard-to-find-time calendar. Then send out an email or posting: “Who’s up for catching this event?” You may be surprised at the interesting friends you have.
Join a Club
Though membership comes at a cost, nothing says man-friend than the smell of dark leather and the hint of premium cigars. You’ll find this at member’s only cigar club CXIII Rex (113 King St, cxiiirex.com). If your still under 40, now’s the time to nab your Young Executive discounted membership for Belle Haven Country Club (6023 Fort Hunt Rd, bellehavencc.com).
Get Out and Play
While traditional gyms aren’t always a slam dunk for making friends, American Ninja finalist (#NinjaLawyer) and SportRock (5308 Eisenhower Ave, sportrock.com) member Mike Chick recommends climbing gyms. “The climbing community and culture is just very friendly and positive,” says Chick. For cyclists, both seasoned riders and newbies connect at events hosted by Spokes, Etc. Bicycles, including free Monthly Maintenance Classes and weekly rides
(1545 N Quaker Lane, click on “events” tab at spokesetc.com). Clubs such as Potomac Peddlers hosts over 1,000 weekend rides each year throughout the National Capital metro area (sign up through the “membership” tab at potomacpedalers.org). Conte’s Bikes has rides, too (go to contesbikes.com).
Take the Stage
Before all this happened, did you find your place on the stage—or wish you’d tried? “The improv community really is a fantastic way to connect to others as adults,” explains Auxiliary Improv member Kayla Hornbrook (see Auxiliary Improv on Facebook). Catch the raucous comedy improv troupe live at The Lyceum (201 S. Washington St., alexandria.gov)—then hone your skills at their next all-levels improv jam session.
“Once you go through some classes with the same group of people—see each other make bad jokes and then some really good ones—it’s natural to form friendships out of it,” says Hornbrook. The Little Theater of Alexandria (600 Wolfe St., thelittletheater.com) offers three sessions of adult acting and improv classes each year, including an audition work-shop, dancing, film, and script writing. Prospective vocalists must audition for both the pops chorus Alexandria Singers (alexandriasingers.com) and the more traditional choral group Alexandria Choral Society (100 W Luray Ave, alexandriachoralsociety.com).
Pull Up a Chair
Whether you go for Raw Bar Wednesday or to watch the game, Southside 815 (815 S. Washington St., http://southside815.com/) lets you bond over what you love—with both good food and a welcoming vibe. Port City Brewing Company (3950 Wheeler Ave., portcitybrewing.com) makes everything more fun with beer—from music to jogging to good ol’ tastings. Try your luck across the river with the friendly crowd at MGM National Harbor’s table games like blackjack, poker or hold ‘em (MGM National Harbor, 101 National Ave., Oxen Hill, search “table games” at mgmnationalharbor.com).
Learn Something New
The Torpedo Factory (105 N Union St, torpedofactory.org/classes) offers a range of classes covering topics such as stained glass, photography, and metalwork. If Iron Chef’s your thing, wine dinners and cooking classes at Julie Harris Cooking School’s (judyharris.com) offer a great meal, new skills, and fun connections.
Get Savvy on Social Media
“No matter what your interest, a source like Meetup.com is an incredible re-source for meeting like-minded people who share it,” suggests Elder who—when he’s not playing roller hockey—says he’s scrolled past some rather niche Meetup groups in Alexandria for everything from horror movies to LARPing (live action role play).
Looking for something a bit more mainstream? Try the inclusive and eclectic Alexandria Happy Hour Meetup Group which boasts almost 5,000 members, along with groups such as Northern Virginia Casual Biking Group (NOVA-CBG), Alexandria Cars and Coffee, Alexandria Basketball Leagues, Washington, DC History and Culture, or The Northern Virginia Hiking League (NVHC).
In addition to Meetup and checking Facebook Events, you could discover shared interests with existing connections by signing up for Festi (festionline.com), an app created by DC attorney Rita Ting-Hopper who wanted a no-hassle way to get more social as she balanced family and career.
Small Groups
Whether it’s a business networking group, a social club, or a growth group hosted by a religious community, connections often happen in a smaller setting. Check out the business referral association BNI (bni.com) or Toastmasters (oldtowntoastmasters.org).
Now that you’re solidly into adulthood — or so you’ve been told — you might not be into hanging out with the kid down the street. It’s not about being too picky, but more so that you place a high-er value on authentic connections.
According to Harvard’s 75-year longitudinal Study of Adult Development, that priority pays big dividends. Maintaining meaningful social connections to family, friends, and the community keeps us happier, physically healthier and even living longer. Now that’s reason enough to make time, make plans, and stay in touch.
This article originally appeared in the January/February 2019 print edition of Alexandria Living Magazine. To subscribe, click here.
