The last 90 days has seen our nation and our community facing multiple turbulent emergencies – the pandemic, the economic fallout of the pandemic, and calls for change from Black Lives Matter.
These have all changed how most of us spend our days. Many of us found ourselves suddenly looking for work, working at home, trying to teach while working, and talking to our children and others about race. There have been a lot of good changes, more time with family, no more commute, more flexibility.
But it has also been stressful. For most of us, this is a marathon, not a sprint. We need to acknowledge the impact of these changes on our lives. We have all experienced loss. Loss of our routines, loss of income, loss of people we love, loss of trust in those in positions of power.
It’s appropriate to be tired, or depressed, or anxious or all of the above. But it’s also hard to live that way for a long time. At the beginning of this, we needed to focus on being safe. Now we need to figure out how to tolerate the ambiguity we face.
As we find our way in a new world, there are somethings we can do to build our resilience, our capacity to bounce back.
- Limit media consumption. It’s fine to watch the news. Once. But not over and over. Our brains think things are happening over and over. And we get more anxious
- Turn off screens. At least an hour before bed and ideally charge them somewhere else. The blue light keeps us awake and games and apps are designed to hook us. How much time have you mysteriously lost on Facebook?
- Breathe and hydrate. Deep, long belly breaths. When you fill your lungs, you stimulate your vagus nerve which reduces anxiety by activating your relaxation response. Stress and anxiety release adrenaline and cortisol and other hormones that help us in flight or fight situations. But most of us are not facing a physical opponent but a mental, spiritual or emotional one. We need to clear all those hormones. Drinking lots of water is how.
- You are what you eat. Just about all of us have been tempted to eat a pint of ice cream or have an extra glass of wine since we aren’t going anywhere. And once in a while, it’s fine. But in general, do your best to eat a healthy rainbow and limit substance use.
- Get moving. The gym is great but so is dancing to your favorite playlist, working out with your favorite online yogi, or going for a walk. Sometimes, you don’t need to think it through, you need to move it out.
- Connect safely. Maybe that is sharing meals over zoom or playing games with House Party. Or even going for a physically-distanced walk with a friend. We are social creatures and need connection.
- Practice gratitude. Every day find something for which you are grateful. It doesn’t have to be big or sappy. It can be that the sun was shining or you didn’t burn dinner, or that you child gave you a dandelion. But focusing on what is good shifts your perspective.
- Give to others. Giving to others helps give meaning to our days. Calling a friend who lives alone, contributing funds to a front-line organization, sharing your talent over video all make the world better and keep your focus forward.
- Stick to a schedule. It doesn’t need to look like your old schedule but having one and a routine around it can help you create your new normal. It could be M-F, 9 a.m. – 5 p.m. but could also be 6 a.m.-8 a.m., 10 a.m.-noon, and 8 p.m.-11 p.m.
- Create space. Avoid back to back Zoom calls. It’s so hard on your eyes, your brain and your psyche. Before you would walk to another office or go to another building. Try working 50-minute hours with space between things.
- Set boundaries. Boundaries about when we are and aren’t working. Boundaries about what others can expect of us. Setting clear expectations helps us maintain relationships and protect our time so we aren’t always working.
- Remember you are not what you do. Contrary to how we often live in our culture, don’t get confused. What you do is just part of who you are. You are also not your bank account. What you do and your bank account may be changing, but you are essentially the you that you were in February. The you that you have always been. Your value is inherent.
All of us have down days but if you find yourself down or anxious consistently, or more deeply, get more support, just as you would if you were feeling physically bad.
Here are some tools and sources of help.
National Alliance on Mental Illness Resources for African American and Black Communities has helpful information.
SAMHSA’s “Coping With Stress During Infectious Disease Outbreaks” page outlines the signs of stress and steps you can take to alleviate stress.
SAMHSA’s “Taking Care of Your Behavioral Health” page provides tips for social distancing, quarantine and isolation during an infectious disease outbreak.
SAMHSA’s “Talking With Children: Tips for Caregivers, Parents, and Teachers During Infectious Disease Outbreaks” page provides parents, caregivers, and teachers with strategies for helping children manage their stress during an infectious disease outbreak.
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network has a guide for parents and caregivers to help families cope with the Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19).
Vibrant Emotional Health’s Safe Space provides interactive coping tools to help users when they need it.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, Veterans Crisis line: 800-273-8255, Press 1
CrisisLink, a 24-hour help line: 703-527-4077; Text: “CONNECT” to 85511
Emergency Services, Alex. Dept. of Community and Human Services: 703-746-3401
Julie Jakopic, founder of iLead Strategies, helps leaders build resilience for themselves and their organizations.
