Whether it’s an upended routine, worry about coronavirus and COVID-19, sudden financial challenges, or trying to telework and homeschool children at the same time, everyone has a valid reason to be stressed this spring.
We talked to local experts — a psychotherapist and a mindfulness coach — on how to reduce your stress whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, parent, telecommuter or furloughed employee.
Being under constant stress isn’t healthy — it can hurt your immune system, cause you to lose sleep, gain weight and lead to headaches, increased blood pressure and other problems.
Part of the stress many people are feeling is due to uncertainty over when our lives will return to “normal.”
“Our brains crave predictability and stability because it helps us feel safe,” said Lauren Finney, a clinical psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker. “When we lack that, especially like now, we need to recognize that and step up the ways in which we can make ourselves feel more safe and secure.”
If stress in your home has led to domestic violence or other abuse, there is help here in Alexandria available even as most businesses are closed. If you are in danger, don’t hesitate to call the police. You may also call the City of Alexandria Domestic Violence Hotline at 703.746.4911 (TTY- 703.746.3288). In Fairfax County, call 703-360-7273.
If you are feeling suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255. You can also chat with a counselor through suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
Take Care of Yourself
You may be seeing a lot of posts on social media or comments elsewhere about drinking wine, eating chocolate and sleeping a lot. You'll feel better if you take care of yourself — take a shower and getting dressed in the morning, eating a healthy, balanced diet, and get outside for some exercise! Try to make time to do things you enjoy. (If you have a pet, make sure they're happy, too. Petting a dog or cat can reduce stress. Walking the dog is good for both of you!)
Practice Gratitude
Things look bleak right now, there’s no doubt, but look for the silver linings: Writing down a list of things you’re grateful for, no matter how few, can help lift the clouds.
According to Harvard Health Publications, “gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness.” Other studies have associated a gratitude practice with better sleep, which in turn can also help you better manage the stress you’re feeling.
“Our brains are also prone to focusing on the negative instead of positives,” Finney said. “Research has shown it takes five positives just to neutralize one negative, possibly more in times of great stress!”
Practice Mindfulness
Gina White, an Alexandria mindfulness expert who routinely works with first responders and others in high-stress or traumatic situations, has partnered with breathr to offer free daily Micro Mindful Moments daily via Zoom or Facebook or Instagram Live.
Gina’s company is the Mindful Junkie. More information on how to join at 11 a.m. or 4 p.m. daily through March 31 (or at 1 p.m. daily after April 1) is available here through MindfulJunkie.com.
Here's more advice from White.
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Mindful Junkie
Change Your Inputs
While it is critical to stay informed at this time, being overly informed may increase your stress levels.
It’s OK to jump off of Facebook, turn off the news and focus on things that make you feel good. Put on some music, listen to a funny podcast, read a book.
For many residents who are home and may have more free time than usual, this can be a great time to pick up that old hobby that fell by the wayside or learn to do something new.
Call or video chat a friend and focus on the positives together, Finney suggested.
Be Flexible and Communicate
You may love the people you live with, but being together 24/7 can be stifling, especially when everyone has different needs.
“Every person is different. For some people, creating an hourly schedule and sticking to is creates a sense of control and predictability. Great! But, remember that your partner may need more flexibility. And our children and teens almost definitely do!” Finney said.
This is a good time to have some honest conversations with your partner about your needs — and theirs.
Learn to say, ‘I love you, but I’d love to have some time apart tonight to XYZ,” Finney said. “Start with the compliment/affirmation, and then state your need.”
And don't judge the other person for how they choose to spend their alone time, either, said Jennifer Marshall, a social worker who lives in the Alexandria area.
If you have some extra time, consider taking the 5 Love Languages quiz here, or download one of The Gottman Institute card deck apps, Finney suggested.
Are you an introvert?
Make sure you’re being honest with others without rejecting them. Calling your time alone to recharge “introvert time” instead of “alone time” can go a long way toward making others feel OK about your needs.
That alone time can be spent taking a bath, reading, going for a walk, listening to music or doing an art project or hobby. Set a timer or manage others’ expectations of how much alone time you need.
If you have children, you can set up special mom-kids time or dad-kids time to give each other a break. If you're single parenting, it's important for kids to understand the need to recharge, too.
Marshall said, "I often tell my 4 year old that even though she does not want to sleep in nap time, that we both need time to rest and re-energize. We have started listening to books on tape, which gave us both time to listen and enjoy without talking or touching each other. This is especially important for single parents, to help the kids understand that downtime 'refills the bucket'."
Are you an extrovert?
Fortunately, social media and video chats are available, and there are an increasing number of groups doing “virtual happy hours” or group dinners via Zoom or other video chat software. Bring your own drink.
Marshall has been doing this: "My friends have started zoom calls – once a week coffee at the start of a workday, once a week happy hour, and this week, we will have a virtual game night Saturday night after the kids are in bed."
You can also download games that you can play with friends online, find online groups around your interests and switch phone calls to video chats.
Coordinate with Others
Finney suggested taking these steps to make the days at home go smoother:
- Talk with your partner about their big things to coordinate – if you both have a video call at 1 p.m., you don’t want to realize that 5 minutes before they start.
- Share responsibilities! All of us home more means more laundry more mopping dirty floors, more meals to be made and more cleaning to be done. Talk about this, coordinate and communicate.
- Try to set up a work space: whether you move an end table and remake it into a desk area, block off part of your dining room table, something. Having some sort of permanent and familiar work space will help you focus more and train your brain that you are at work v home.
- Remind yourself, often, and remind those around you that you are doing enough. We are all ‘doing enough’ right now to juggle this new normal.
Forgive Yourself
This is a hard time for a lot of people, and holding yourself to your normal standards may be unnecessary — and impossible to accomplish.
If you’re telecommuting, give yourself some leeway to get used to new workflows.
If you’re suddenly trying to telecommute while homeschooling kids, be flexible with your schedule and with your expectations of yourself and the kids.
Consider writing down just two or three things that you want to get done in a day. Additional items can go on a secondary list. At the end of the day, write down what you did accomplish — you may see that you’re being more productive than you thought.
Talk It Out
“If it feels like the coping skills, meditation apps, exercise aren't cutting it - then you are NOT alone!” Finney said. “Many of us (local psychotherapists) are forming free video support groups or offering free consultation sessions with couples, parents, and families. Don't hesitate to look into speaking with someone in a safe and open place for you to be able to talk through these anxieties and fears.”
